its been a few months since i posted... can say i lazy... can say i busy... jus didn't bother to update.... no as if there's ppl reading this aniwae...


Today was supposed to be a peaceful day... with one event down and the next one only coming next weekend. everything seemed to be moving in slow-mo in the office today.... until my manager left earlier to rest at home (getting sick again)... and i was office alone since 430 onwards....

THEN.... a phone call came... enquiring about a coming up event in sept.... And probably because me being me... wanted to act as if i know everything... went on saying probably 2 sentences more than i should... giving away WAY too much info to the wrong person... which thus... considered my 1st MAJOR MAJOR mistake in the office since these 4 months....

i've been regarded a rather capable assistant and helper so far... and has been complimented (indirectly) for that.... and now this shall destroy whatever i've built so far... (in the eyes of my lady boss) haiz......

i felt so bad about it that when i came home and tell my mummy... i even tear.... maybe i was a little to harsh on myself.. but all i ever wanted to do was to proof myself worthy..

Thus the topic... finding my purpose... i've been told before, that, i'm trying too damn hard to please everyone that mattered... no as in bootlicking.. but generally be nice and helpful and pray that i'll be someone others would like to befriend.. Cos since young... when we went to the temple and pray... they would always say i lacked the people's factor... the bonding with others...
In additional to that, and resulting to an awful incident that happened in sec 3.. i never forgot to be nicer, friendly and willing to be there for others.....

i'm always trying to be my mummy's and daddy's girl... although i'm not that good a sister yet... but i think i'm a fairly good friend... and at work.. i try to make as little mistakes as possible...

But the question is? Is that my purpose in life? To be a person that other people likes?

I think it probably all stems from my inferiority complex + being borned a 2nd Child (always trying to get attention/notice from either good or bad actions).

Yet, there are some that advised me, that i'm still young and try not to think so much, and enjoy what i have now.

i dunno how to end this entry... so i shall leave it as such for now....

I NEED TO FIND A PURPOSE IN LIFE... i need a long term goal.... dun really know whats going on in my life now (AGAIN)....

i'm just coming in to work everyday... taking things at day to day.... earning a standard salary... and be like a normal normal person.....

i didn't use to think it was like tat... i've always tot that i would be someone (better) able to take charge at things, getting into a higher position of mangerial/advisory role . and earning much much more every month...

maybe its because i'm just starting out at work.. in the 'real' world.. and i haven exactly gain that much experience yet.. although some people say i'm young... but there are younger people out there who's done much more than me... (like models earning ridiculous wages like rm3-7k per shoot)!!!!! FINE..i admit i'm not good looking enough....


i've always wanted 'power' and able to have alot of people listening to me, doing the things i say... (hehehe... autocratic)... but my mindset probably changed ... getting tired of being someone in position as it comes with a whole lot of other responsibility and skills needed to iron things out...

- Cut Cut -

I was typing the above until my manager came back from the clinic and it was my turn to go.. by the time i was back from my visit... became bz bz bz arranging for accomodations for my boss's housewarming guest.... then my manager took half day off and i had to rush to boss's house to bring her maid to the clinic again....

then rush here rush there...i met the supposedly 'cute' doctor (that irene claimed) again... this time.. we talked abit longer as he found out wat i was working as and why i was back working in jb instead of sg.... okay la... he's nice lah... but not wat i would classify as 'cute'....

then rush back to boss house... she say i can go home early today.. it was only 2plus at that time... then she ask me just to visit her neighbour for a while before i go.. so i did... and found out wat the neighbour wanted... and i left around half 3...

came home and was a guai guai daughter.. i help my mama clean and mop and wipe things... very tiring... *My ROOM is ALMOST done* can move back to it soon... its BIG... OKII desu ne!!!! then very guai lah.... finish le than papa came home and we went out for dinner...

- Cut Cut Finish -

but at this point of time i dunno how to continue my previous topic le...another day ba.... HAHAHAHAHHAHAH

Erm... no pixy yet..... Just wan to talk about my exp there...

Hmm.. Day 1 (Sat) was individual shooting.. was there WAYYYYY to early... and there were like tons of students there... Almost all like recurve shooters representing school... (duh... students).... then went for registration and then had lunch at a crappy canteen... with crappy food....

There were around 40 compound shooters... 8 of which are girls.... including 2 of us from JB... (13 of us from Ace Johor)... then suppose to have 2 rounds of 30 shots, 10 ends.... 2 rounds of sighters/practice...

then i just simply simply shoot... haha... 1st round got 5 misses... only 188/300... probably shouldn't say my scores outloud... but... wth... then round 2 even better.. although i was steadier... but my score dropped to 174/300 with 7 misses... these were like VERY VERY near misses... but... still considered miss.. hahahaha

aniwae.... by the end of 2 hours... and the result was out... the best 8 teams can go to the next round for team shooting.. and guess what... the 4 teams from JB got into top 8... hahaha...


so Day 2 (Sun)... i couldn't sleep properly cos i scared i missed my 530 alarm clock... then Ivan came and fetch me ... and we reached NUS at 7am!!!!!!! TOO kiasu le... then loiter loiter around had nasi lemak breakfast (with thanks to Wilford) then the shooting supposedly to start at 830.. ended up starting at 930am.... alot of waiting here waiting there...

then we didn't really wan to shoot... cos we were like 1st place against 8th place...Ace vs Ace.... Terry (1st), Foo (2nd), Adam (5th) VS Stanley, Rachael (3rd), Leaf (4th). ("The placings are from individual category").... but we did quite well.. and i only miss 1 shot out of 8!!!! (-_-") ==near miss==


aniwae we were out too... then came the semi finals... whereby we were clearly the winner... until something happened to Terry's bow... and the 1st place winner actually miss his shot... so they only got a shotout for 3rd/4th team placing....

in the end... Ace Johor actually did quite okay.... 1st-5th place for individual... and 3rd for team =)

by the end of everything i was totally zoink.... and went home to catch up on the much needed sleep.... =)

been like ages since i posted... i think more than six months... QUICK RECAP!!!!

JAN-FEB = Loitering around with Winnie the Pooh at the archery range in skudai parade... taken up recurve at first... then switched to compound cos tempted at the fact there are not many compound female shooters... and its rather easy to get into a state team??? then when i just really wanted to get into it... i was offered a job in singapore

end FEB-APR = Worked representing a certain foreign bank... had gain ton and tons of experience meeting loads of bosses and people... gain lots more confidence and speaking capability... but due to another attractive offer by a mutual friend.... i decided to give up the hectic schedule and very fast-paced sales /marketing job for the closer to home stable income job...

MAY-NOW = working peacefully... had busy times and quiet times like now... lots to learn too.. and lots of things to help out in the charity... at least i have a few months all planned out on wats gonna happen and i'm actually quite looking forward to a few events.... BTW i'm working for like a MAIN company but there's a few subsidaries and other commitments tied in to the companies/bosses...

but i'm currently quite happy and have loads of time on my hand to do my compound shooting =)

Haiz... there goes my 1 month old career... and i'm here trying to console myself that i'm really not suitable for this industry... haiz...

taking up this job i was still half half... as in half wan half dun wan.. and i just wanted to give it a go and try... but what they wanted was fully committed, enthusiatic and willing to learn people.. i am the latter 2 i guess.. but not the 1st .. so my manager had a review talk with me on 30th dec to so called re confirm my status and get some feedback out of me...

after being called unenthusiatic and stubborn (-_-")... she told me i was given off on 31st dec and i asked for time to think things over... and i was in turmoil.. cos its my first job and i didn't wan to jus leave... and plus i told my friends i would stay at least a year... i mean how could you make a decision after barely 1 month into the job and confirm saying you'll stay there for the rest of ur life... right??? that's exactly what they were asking of me and i couldn't give them a direct answer..

So on 31st... i was happily sleeping until 11am my manager called and told me, " If you decided to quit, please bring in your uniform tomorrow".

I was awake immediately... and i was thinking... what was that supposed to mean? they already expected i would quit.. and until that point i didn't have any real intention of quitting... then that afternoon.. i called my dad and had a chat with him.. and he said... since they can come up with something like that... obviously they have other intentions already... the whole afternoon.. i was in a dilemma... i wanted to prove to them i could do it... but thinking back... i was too restricted in the environment...

Imagine, the first day of work, Boss said... , "What you don't need to know, don't ask. What they don't need to know, don't say." and ask me to steer clear of having good staff relationships... and ask me don't talk unnecessarily.. unless work related... don't even mix with other staff after work... and although i know the reason behind all these.. but asking me to do so is like... 'sha le wo ba'...

haiz.. there are so much in between stories that i feel very 'chang qi' to say here... i'll just wrap it up by telling what happened on 1st Jan 2007 when i went back to work...

i was doing my morning duties, then boss came in around 1030.. then he ask me to stop my things.. say i don't need to do le.. and go into the VIP/office room. then he say he know of my decision le... (i didn't even say anything) then say he already taken into account everything.. he wanted to give me a try but seems like din work out.. say i'm a nice girl.. but maybe abit spoilt.. say he liked me the first time he interviewed me.. say i like his daughter.. then he gave me some words of wisdom... 'ren chi kui yi dian, mei guan xi'.... then say if i needed any referencing for other jobs dun hesitate to put his name...And i smiled brilliantly all thru the talk..

i think they just couldn't believe that sometimes a u-grad would work for them... a young one at that.. and they were so afraid that i would leave that they held back at teaching... (i think something bad happened before that let them instill new policies) but i wasn't even given the chance to prove myself... haiz...

oh.. Boss also praised me.. say maybe I am meant for greater things... (but dunno is words of consolation or what lah) ... last but not lest.. you know what he said... , " I hope you will remain professional about leaving and leave behind all the things here. (severe your ties)".. he dont even allow me to talk to the other staff after i leave.... haiz...

at least i know next time... i cant survive long in such an environment... so no point in staying too long if its soooooo restricted...

Its about 3 weeks since i started out my new 'career'... Its...rather... routinely that i wake up at 8am.. get out of the house min 835am then take bus.. take mrt.. reach my work place by 930 then spend the morning cleaning the arranging stuff/display... then by noon i will be 'patiently' waiting for my turn to eat lunch... usually the most senior goes first and so on so forth.. i'm MOST junior.. so by the time its my turn its around 230-3pm...

after lunch.. is finding things to do... if no customers.. then is arranging stuff... fold paper box...eh.. wipe table... haha.. then hope the time pass quickly and then start counting down to end of the day... its not as bad as it sounds... just that currently i haven't got the chance to start talking... (sales), all i can do is observe... see.. watch.. listen.. learn... therefore is slightly boring for me..

but around 3plus in the afternoon.. the lady boss comes in and i dunno why i jus realli realli like her... she's jus so cute... and she doesn't look or act too much her age... haha.. and she comes in and gossips with us... sometimes also motivate me and talk to me regarding other stuff other than work.. and the best part is i won't get scolded by boss (who doesn't believe in chatting)... haha.. cos is his bao bei lao po talking to us... hehehe

currently thats my whole work schedule.. and i should be getting my uniform soon... and i'm the first gal to be able to wear my uniform less than one month of work... but been getting alot of comments regarding my appearance... apparently.. everyone at my work place is DAMN THIN.. and so skinny and thus the uniform looks good on them... but when i test out the uniform.. everybody say i bao ba zhang.. and its really not good for the soul... haiz... but what to do... i din bother to explain that i've already lost some weight... doesn't really matter does it..

so all i can do is continue to eat my meagre breakfast... one full lunch and end my day with that.. cos if i take dinner at 9pm.. i'm onli gonna get fatter..haiz... wat to do when ppl onli see things the way they wan to see it (one sided).. never go and further understand or question the situation... but the worst thing is my boss... he ask me to lose weight.. i ask him how.. he say like him loh.. don't eat... then next day... i haven had lunch and it was around 330pm... then he was like very concerned and ask me go get my lunch... *confusing*

aniwae.. thats about my latest update regarding work

It happened in like 2 days time and everything was confirmed and done... And now i'm walking towards my career.... something that might need a few years to be successful in.

I received a call from a consultancy agency.. then he informed me that the position i was looking at this 'jewellers' place is so and so... and listed everything i need to know regarding the job and ask me to send in my resume so that he could secure an interview for me... that time was around 10pm at night...

i was kind of excited as he told me it was a high-end, international tourist based kinda like jewellery shop which is located at orchard.... so first thing i tot of it of course Cartier or Tiffany's.... so of course i agree to everything he said....

by next morning around 11am.. he called and asked me to go for an interview at orchard...and the finally revealed the information of the shop and exact location... i wasn't quite far off the mark.. in other words it was opposite of cartier and tiffany's.... Lucky Plaza.....(-_-")... i was really quite put off by that.. but on the other hand pressured by the guy on the phone ....

so i rushed down to orchard to the interview... and it turns out if i'm gonna be in this line ... its gonna be quite a few years.. and i mean like 5-10 years... and telling someone like me.. a fresh grad.. that i need to put 10 years into this... seemed... VERY VERY VERY VERY TERRIFYING!!!! seemed... so i kinda put it off... saying that i need to discuss this with my parents and say they might have some objections.. i think the boss could see my hesitation and he gave me the weekend to reply him.....

that was around 2.30pm in the afternoon.. and i continue pondering over choices... my friend was also helping me get a job at her coy.. and i was pending for a few other jobs... and i continued comparing.. constrasting.... had a talk with my dad too... and finally i decided to take it... and i called up the boss at 8pm to confirm my decision and i start on the coming Monday.

afterall its not such a bad choice... i get to learn a skill and its something that will never be outdated.. i mean who would ever be sick of diamonds, stones, gems etc.... and even if i put 5 years of my life there.. i'm still wat... 25? and who knows.. i might be sooo proficient at it i'll be an expert and someone else might just hire me off... hehehehe... *pure optimism*

anyway... this is the new step i have chosen.. and hopefully i will not regret it and make the best out of it...